It usually seems like an easy thing…friends tell you…you'll find another one…another guy, another job, another bestie but really it’s the hardest thing there is.Waking up every day resolute that that is the last time you'll be stuck in the past, saying :'This is the day! 'Life for a while feels like a limbo, at a state of mere existence or none at all, it's beyond stagnation…you hate yourself for holding on to a sheer fig mentation of what used to be and not reaching out for what is new.
You
turn to music and all you hear are sad love songs…my bet is Taylor Swift…and
you declare that you hate love songs. You avoid romantic movies or comedies or
even Samantha's Bridal Show…in short you want nothing to do with love so you
watch Indian movies like I Hate Love Stories only to realize that it has a
happy ending! You cry yourself hoarse,uncontrolably…
Your
heart aches because you don’t want be the first to call, text or show any signs
of concern…making it look like it's all good, the whole shebang of
pretense…when friends check up on you, you wear this 'lovely' smile, a smile so
optimistic it can cure cancer!(Shelbie,Glee,hehe).
Focus
is another thing, sometimes you overate it,underate it or even worse you are
unable to put it in any conceivable category so you engross yourself in your
career, a new friendship, school…swearing you'll be the next Albert Einstein,
Bill Gates or just be the best version of you.
Then
the blame games begin…'may I should have fought longer…I should have overlooked
the mistakes…just gone with the flow to keep things 'stable'…and on and on. You
know things were not great and the relationship should have ended like a
gazillion centuries ago but you still have that faint glimmer of hope that 'it
wasn't that bad'.
You
start to think of maybe giving it a try but then some sane friend fills you in
on what you have shared ,oh so many
times…'he doesn't treat me right', 'we hardly talk anymore', 'he always has
excuses for not picking my calls;, he takes a decade to reply my texts and even
when he replies its things like
'ok…maybe…I see….we'll talk…he he…really? 'This perfect dose of reality
hits you once again and you resolve not to think of him again. You are back on
the highway of recovery and you banish all thoughts of him…intense feelings of
what used to be…Kelly Clarkson's What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
becomes your anthem and you sing it hard, loud even.
For a
while all seems okay and then you check his Facebook timeline and a tinge of
regret mixed with a dash of 'how can he go by like you were nothing' swells up
in you and you almost inbox to say hi but you think against it…you contemplate
on befriending him but that's so highschoolish so you just log out and get
yourself together, I mean emotionally. Once again you are down memory lane and
you wander why he lingers at the fringe of your mind…why he still has so much
power over you yet you guys are no longer together….why you are so sentimental
and just can't seem to move on…even a tiny baby step not forthcoming
The
truth of the matter is that moving on is not like some jet swifting up to the
clouds ready to fly, it's an unending cycle…its messy, sometimes you don't
understand who you are or if you are changing or not. Things are all fuzzy and
you can't seem to get it right…reality is that when you just think you have…oh
sorry…when you just think you 'might' have moved on is when you haven't even
dipped your little toe in the cold sea of reality…because when you think you
are over him or it, whatever it is…loss of a loved one, a bad breakup, failed
marriage, broken friendship, unsuccessful career, poor grades, an addiction,
strained family ties, whatever it is…when you think you just might be over it
the thing is you are not so you start all
over again and just kip trying until one day it doesn’t hurt too much…so
allow yourself to fall sometimes…am not saying you let yourself go but at times
the past you honestly want to forget will cross your mind, don't loathe
yourself for that…moving on takes time…sometimes you'll want to overwrite
everything and start from scratch only to realize that that past is indeed part
of you…just don’t let it define you…just hope that after all is said and done
you will come out a 'a better you…wiser…with substantial clarity of who you are
and where you are going…moving on is a lifetime event.
Margaret C Tanui
Blogger, PR Expert,reknowned writer
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