Tuesday, 26 November 2013

The Unending Conversation...


Of lovers that have so much to say…so much to share…of lives yet to be lived…of dreams waiting to be realized. When two hearts decide to give it a try and write a love story without an ending…beyond novel fantasies…the reality of love so epic…greater and stronger than the 'Law of Attraction', no secrets here.
Of text messages send back n forth till its comical…a series of smiley faces just to break the silence…a deliberate need to connect with the other in words…flowing like a river with a source but an unidentified destination…deeper than the depth of one's soul…
Doing away with assumption that the other is 'just okay'…or taking 'have a lovely day' for granted…'I love you becomes a song, a song so sweet that you want to hear it over and over again till the lyrics are embedded so deep that no one can't tell you otherwise…
Of asking the silly questions that you know the answers to but just want a little bit of assurance…just making sure that you never wake up from this amazing dream…just the need to read and reread the words again, hear the voice…
Of walking in forgiveness and being ready to say' I've forgotten'…putting the positive aspects in better light that the negative is drowned to a state of insignificance…
Of moments when there is really nothing much to say but you somehow end up talking about 'something'…in times of pain when one says 'I can live without you'…but what kind of life is that?
Of souls destined to be together, to face the steep mountains and dangerous seas of this life…two people not agreeing to disagree to be apart but to make it work somehow…to take the steps to stay in touch in the gravest of distances…choosing to be loyal,faithful,true at all times.
Purposely choosing to always stay on topic, on the same page or  in the blinkest moments in the same chapter or in the entanglement of hopelessness in the same book…not finding it easy to just try something new because the present is unbearable.
The constant need of the other, to be close and just be.
When love is just another four letter word that bears no meaning and friends go like :'what you guys are still together?'…Pushing through the criticism,however,right,relevant and with a point, a life lesson even…choosing to listen to your heart instead…
Breaking the chains of religion and finding a common ground somehow…love maybe?...a total disregard to contradicting personalities because being 'just in love' is more than enough…
Being part of these dance that is timeless…the beat always getting stronger, more rhythm. More soul, beyond mere musical talk…getting the tune right and changing it when the need arises…even when the steps alludes to the case of polarical tendencies, still moving together hand in hand..
Of holding the other even when you just want to let go and run ,hide somehow to deal with issues in solemnity…refusing to be a loner and just being there…
When speaking requires more than planned words, letters orchestrated to just convey meaning yet the heart is miles away…Of hearts that beat for each other…getting the butterflies to come again…of stolen glances, waiting to draw the other for pecks, kisses maybe…of the heart jumping when the phone rings or a text comes in...hoping its him…her…Oh! The thought that someone is thinking of you!
When being busy doesn’t keep you from the one who has your heart…taking time out to say a simple hello even if a goodbye lurks nearby…
Overcoming the poison of routine n not doing things just because…
The unending conversation is more than just returning the message to just show you are in sync…its nights that don’t end with goodnight or mornings that begin with good morning as with two souls bound together , a day blends into another and the romance continues in an unending cycle that has no beginning or end…

Margaret Tanui
PR Expert,Health Enthusiast,Writer and so much more!

Monday, 11 November 2013

The Thing About Moving On


 It usually seems like an easy thing…friends tell you…you'll find another one…another guy, another job, another bestie but really it’s the hardest thing there is.Waking up every day resolute that that is the last time you'll be stuck in the past, saying :'This is the day! 'Life for a while feels like a limbo, at a state of mere existence or none at all, it's beyond stagnation…you hate yourself for holding on to a sheer fig mentation of what used to be and not reaching out for what is new.
You turn to music and all you hear are sad love songs…my bet is Taylor Swift…and you declare that you hate love songs. You avoid romantic movies or comedies or even Samantha's Bridal Show…in short you want nothing to do with love so you watch Indian movies like I Hate Love Stories only to realize that it has a happy ending! You cry yourself hoarse,uncontrolably…
Your heart aches because you don’t want be the first to call, text or show any signs of concern…making it look like it's all good, the whole shebang of pretense…when friends check up on you, you wear this 'lovely' smile, a smile so optimistic it can cure cancer!(Shelbie,Glee,hehe).
Focus is another thing, sometimes you overate it,underate it or even worse you are unable to put it in any conceivable category so you engross yourself in your career, a new friendship, school…swearing you'll be the next Albert Einstein, Bill Gates or just be the best version of you.
Then the blame games begin…'may I should have fought longer…I should have overlooked the mistakes…just gone with the flow to keep things 'stable'…and on and on. You know things were not great and the relationship should have ended like a gazillion centuries ago but you still have that faint glimmer of hope that 'it wasn't that bad'.
You start to think of maybe giving it a try but then some sane friend fills you in on what you have shared  ,oh so many times…'he doesn't treat me right', 'we hardly talk anymore', 'he always has excuses for not picking my calls;, he takes a decade to reply my texts and even when he replies its things like  'ok…maybe…I see….we'll talk…he he…really? 'This perfect dose of reality hits you once again and you resolve not to think of him again. You are back on the highway of recovery and you banish all thoughts of him…intense feelings of what used to be…Kelly Clarkson's What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger becomes your anthem and you sing it hard, loud even.
For a while all seems okay and then you check his Facebook timeline and a tinge of regret mixed with a dash of 'how can he go by like you were nothing' swells up in you and you almost inbox to say hi but you think against it…you contemplate on befriending him but that's so highschoolish so you just log out and get yourself together, I mean emotionally. Once again you are down memory lane and you wander why he lingers at the fringe of your mind…why he still has so much power over you yet you guys are no longer together….why you are so sentimental and just can't seem to move on…even a tiny baby step not forthcoming
The truth of the matter is that moving on is not like some jet swifting up to the clouds ready to fly, it's an unending cycle…its messy, sometimes you don't understand who you are or if you are changing or not. Things are all fuzzy and you can't seem to get it right…reality is that when you just think you have…oh sorry…when you just think you 'might' have moved on is when you haven't even dipped your little toe in the cold sea of reality…because when you think you are over him or it, whatever it is…loss of a loved one, a bad breakup, failed marriage, broken friendship, unsuccessful career, poor grades, an addiction, strained family ties, whatever it is…when you think you just might be over it the thing is you are not so you start all  over again and just kip trying until one day it doesn’t hurt too much…so allow yourself to fall sometimes…am not saying you let yourself go but at times the past you honestly want to forget will cross your mind, don't loathe yourself for that…moving on takes time…sometimes you'll want to overwrite everything and start from scratch only to realize that that past is indeed part of you…just don’t let it define you…just hope that after all is said and done you will come out a 'a better you…wiser…with substantial clarity of who you are and where you are going…moving on is a lifetime event.

Margaret C Tanui
Blogger, PR Expert,reknowned writer